At one of the meetings with a psychotherapist, we discussed how to help a child become more independent. The main thing I understood from the conversation is that you need to allow the child to do what he wants and can by himself.

The psychotherapist suggested an interesting method – the ‘lazy dad’. This means that the adult participates verbally but gives all opportunities for action to the child. For example, if the child asks to make a sandwich, instead of doing everything themselves, the adult becomes ‘lazy’. They ask the child to get the products out of the fridge, cut the bread, and cheese. As a result, the child has their desired sandwich and the skill to prepare it.

I first consciously applied this approach during the summer when my finger was broken. We were on vacation at our country house, and Vlad wanted to take an inflatable mattress to the river. But the mattress was deflated, and I would have inflated it myself, but at that moment it was difficult for me to do so. Instead of refusing, I said: “If you want, inflate it yourself, the pump is in the car.” I only helped with words: explained how to connect the pump. Then my son did everything himself: connected the pump, started the car, inflated the mattress, turned off the pump and the car, returned everything as it was. And, feeling proud of himself, went swimming on the mattress in the river. And I was proud of myself because I taught him how to use the pump with such a simple method.

P. S. This approach also works with adults. You just need to step aside and give people the opportunity to show themselves.